God is still providing

Although I have disappeared from the blog for way too long (been a rough time) I have been trying to discern if I should continue blogging and if so is there a particular subject matter to concentrate on. I do not have an answer to either. 

Lately I have had the feeling to continue blogging and to share parts of my life with you. I do not feel this should be a blog entirely about my day to day events. I feel it will be a mixture of things I read or watch and also about some of the struggles and victories living with depression.

I feel God is reminding me He will heal me yet in His own perfect timing. And I need to find a way of living life in the meantime. I need to do more than I have been. I have been resting, aka sleeping away free days too much. I want to say there is a whole world out there waiting for me to discover. Perhaps I need to be more realistic and say there's a whole city to discover, although next month will be getting to discover part of down under - big, happy, excited grin on my face.

I love the fact that the past year may have been my greatest challenge yet there have always been moments of relief, light in the darkness, to pull me through. 

And I am so thankful for all of you in my life for supporting me and being a friend. I cannot list you as there would be many names. 

Laughter, apparently, is the best medicine (must admit I do like to laugh, have you noticed?). What makes you laugh out loud?

He can heal

http://tiny.cc/pvp3rw

I have 1.5 weeks before I go back to work and I'm trying to get ready for it. The only problem is as soon as I start to think about going back I feel worse. I'm not sure at the moment that is the best thing to do. But is being off doing me any good? Not really.

I was outside a minute ago in despair and then realised I don't have to do this alone. So I cried out to God. What amazing peace I have. I was reminded of something a friend wrote to me - "work does not define who I am". So true. Whatever work throws at me next week shouldn't make me feel worse.

I am so thankful for family and friends at the moment. Keep praying guys. I need to get back in community with you.

Again, at the start of a new year I know of a major change that will happen and am so hopeful of another. So here's to improvement on the job front and I know I will be healed from this awful depression - hoping it will be this year.

I have to get work sorted out so I can book a great holiday towards the end of the year. So looking forward to being with the Mowbs again. Only wish it could be right now! At least half of the Mowbs-clan is happy at the mo.

So I have a plan of action. Just need to get on with it. So here's to tidying the house and to starting applying again. Somethings gotta change, and that is me. Just need to make that first step

What is stopping you from moving on?
Sent from my BlackBerry smartphone from Virgin Media

Elephant in the room

http://tiny.cc/fgw8pw

What a great start to the New Year. Such a fun lunch with some of the ladies from Redeemer. Thank you for such a fun time. We all contributed to the meal. Lots of fun, food and so much laughter.
Who would have thought a game of True or False would cause so many tears of laughter. There were some classic moments which I had to write down. I know some of the fun was being part of it, in the moment. So perhaps this is just a record for us to remember the moments. There are a couple of scrbook pages that need to be made.
There turned out to be a theme for the game. We learnt a lot of things about elephants.

Enough already

http://tiny.cc/6cs3rw

Bet you thought I'd forgotten about you, hey? Well, I've had to withdraw from a lot of things to be able to get through each day. Then I relaxed and couldn't keep things in anymore.

I'm off work for a couple of weeks due to work-related stress. I find it awful at work. It's strange, in some regards it has improved this academic year. Just a shift where the oppression is coming from. Unfortunately it seems as if everyone below it is now feeling the pain. It feels like something is trying to smother the goodness out of the workforce.

I've had a rough few weeks at work. You wouldn't believe it if I wrote about the first week. Talk about...well not even sure there's a word to sum up what occurred. To say it resulted in an emotional roller coaster for me is an understatement.  I am still in disbelief. I'm surprised it happened and it could happen.  But isn't that where faith comes in? All things are judged, may be not on earth but there will be a time for decisions to be judged.

I spent some time this afternoon writing things down to try and shed some light onto my mental turmoil. Can you believe I had the "Sunday-night" feeling last night even though I knew I wasn't in work. What's that all about?

One thing that has been revealed is the anger I feel towards the company. Then trying to find out why I realised I have let the experience define my significance. Why? The ones making the decisions I am maybe insignificant to (just a name on paper), yet the ones I work with am a valued member of the team. I seemed to have got things mixed up a bit. At least I have something to work on instead of a mixed up head in all of this.

One thing that has got to me is a phrase in the letters I've received. One of the paragraphs starts with "  'the company' acknowledges ..." Something along the lines of the effect of restructuring has had. It's all very well acknowledging things, yet acknowledging also carries a responsibility with it. We can all acknowledge things and carry on in the same way. But is it the best thing to do? Acknowledging a negative response to something I do surely should prompt a change in behaviour?

Isn't it time for organisations to take responsibility for their actions?

One day at a time...on the job front

http://flic.kr/p/a6mduW

Have you noticed how quickly time passes? I used to think that. Then along came August. What a month that turned out to be. As you can read in my last post - being put at risk of redundancy at the beginning of the month. Then the end of the month saying "see you soon" to my brother, sister-in-law, neice and bro's Ma-in-law.

That was way harder than I thought it would be. I have never cried so much going through an airport before. It broke my heart at the time to leave them. I cannot believe they've only been gone three weeks. It feels so much longer. It's making me wonder how long the next year will feel. When I knew they had arrived safely it was quite quickly I started to feel very excited for them. I'm glad to say that has continued. It's interesting hearing about the differences in culture they are finding out.

I have started my Perth Pot, putting away some spare money, although I really need to budget and put it into an account. Perhaps my Perth Pot can be my spending money. It's a good money box, I bought a bargain Winnie the Pooh one from the Pound shop. It's one you have to open with a can opener so there's a chance money can stay in there for awhile.

I cannot believe it is only 24th September. It feels nearly December to me. Not that I want time to run away with me again. Sometimes it feels like it is dragging yet not sure why as September has been a very busy month.

Are the days flying by for you?

Decision makers

http://flic.kr/p/4yaaRn

The last two weeks have been awful. It is finally confirmed that there is no dedicated admin support for the Team Programme. I have finally been put at risk of redundancy. What I don't like about it is that it is a very selfish reaction to the decision. I was told back in December I wouldn't be working in the same school when the restructuring came about. Yet there's been other conversations since that have given me some hope of a change in decision. So all the hope was pushed out of me during my consultation. When I say hope I mean in being able to support the Team Programme in some way.

I am so glad my identity or life isn't my job. I am so surprised how much it hurts, all the same. In a sense it is a form of rejection - one the first time of experiencing it. And it's also an unknown change. Not knowing what is next or when the "next" will be. At least I no longer fear being without a job. So that's a weight off my mind. I survived it last time and if i'm unemployed again God will provide.

Wisdom beyond her years

http://flic.kr/p/2PRMDz

Procrastinating again, lying in bed searching for inspiration on the web. Some things I find make me laugh, some make me cry. Today was the same, then I came across a news show about Marina Keegan, a Yale student, just graduated who wrote an article for the campus paper. Tragically she died in a car accident shortly afterwards. Her article is inspiring - take a look for yourself

Wise words from someone so young. She may have written it about leaving Uni, yet I think it speaks for anyone's lif, the circles we are involved in, some things come to an end, the apprehension of the unknown. We always have possibilities. Another reminder to make every day count.

The article went viral and has touched many people. Would it have had such an impact had she not been in the car crash? - we'll never know. Perhaps given time the fact her last article has inspired so many, and I feel will continue to inspire them throughout their lifetime, will bring a degree of peace into the lives of family and friends. I pray that it will. It made me also think how many more writers out there are inspirational and are hidden somewhere on the web.